More forgiveness

The pastor and his wife came over for lunch and to chat. They kinda picked up with the theme of forgiveness and gave me many examples of healing as it relates to forgiveness. I honestly feel like that issue was dealt with but after Saturday I know there could be other issues hiding in the shadows. We prayed together and had a nice afternoon getting to know each other. I called Amy tonight and asked her forgiveness for calling her an unmerited very ugly name and for wasting all these years when we should have been closer. I regret that we were not closer as kids and that just sort of ran into our adult life, we just have never been close and this is something I think we both wished could have been different. I kind of expected that I might experience a sense of relief or "feel lighter" but I basically feel the same. I am just looking forward to visiting her hopefully in the Spring so we can hopefully make up for some lost time and enjoy each others company. I don't know why I don't have the lighter sensation; My only guesstimate is that I had already walked through all the steps and had planned it out so meticulously that I in essence had felt like it was already done. The only thing missing was to actually do it and perhaps that is why the church group said that it was urgent to do it now, like this Amy will be on the same "page" as me and we will both be over it completely when we see each other. Next on the agenda... I feel led to write an email to The Old Man.

Forgiveness

A small group from the church came by the house for dinner to pray and discuss some things that the Holy Spirit has brought up during prayer meeting 2 days ago. During the church prayer meeting they had mostly prayed for me and they felt it was urgent for me to ask forgiveness of Amy now rather than wait for my plan of doing it face to face the next time we meet. They felt it was urgent to do it now. During the visit it also came out that I need to forgive the Old Man and society in general for hurting me. I needed to let go of all the hostility and bitterness that has been pent up inside me since forever. We prayed for this and I felt a release.

Do you want to do this by yourself?

I was scheduled to do chemo today and last night I had pretty much decided I was pretty much going to skip it unless God told me otherwise. I went to bed still with no contradicting word so I did not set the alarm to get up. In the middle of the night my dreams were interrupted by a voice that asked me something to the effect of: "Did you want to do this by yourself?" I woke immediately after but dismissed the event thinking that perhaps it was a harassing spirit and went back to sleep where I was definitely harassed by the enemy just after going back to sleep. I woke in the morning tending to the normal routine but taking note that my hospital appointment had already passed. I began to have second thoughts. This is exactly what I did not want. I prayed, thought hard, and got dressed 5 minutes later. I cannot have second thoughts. Upon reflection, I realized that it was the Lord that woke me with the one liner that I was too groggy/thickheaded to acknowledge. "No Lord, I do not want to do this by myself! Forgive me. I will go get my blood tested and You will determine whether or not I get the chemo... as usual." I feel better now, but this morning was a humbling reminder of not to let personal preferences get in the way of His work. This is Gods' work, not mine. Who am I to form an opinion on the subject of my health care? He created the heavens and universe, of course He knows the best thing to do. I should have known He would wait to give me instruction for the last minute. He likes to see if we are open for spontaneity!

Prayer fliers

Went to church today and was called to the front (unexpectedly) with my husband to receive prayer from the congregation. The pastor and asst. pastor prayed over me and anointed me with oil. They passed out a flier to anyone interested to pray or fast for me to explain briefly the medical situation. I am so blessed to be a part of this generous family of believers!

Lions from the cave

Vision while sleeping of hundreds of lions rushing forth from the entrance of a cave. I believe this is referring to the remnant who have completely devoted themselves to Jesus who have up until now, been hidden. What has largely been an "underground" movement will now rush forth into the world.