Changes

Reset the forgotten password and I will be posting again. There have been alot of changes in my life since I last posted and have restarted the blogging in order to keep a diary of sorts for the spiritual goings on. I really don't have a lot of spare time to include my really hectic daily life, but will keep you abreast of the basics. Between last year and now I have rededicated my life to Christ and have been having huge changes spiritually, emotionally and physically. I am currently undergoing chemo again since this past April as the breast cancer has metastasized to the bone and lymph nodes. This does not scare me as I know God is in control and I have placed my faith in He who provides all that I need. It is not an easy walk, but I know He is protecting me and the end result will be a positive one. This gift of faith helps me get through those dark times that chemo and bone pain can bring. I will take all the old entries from a spiritual spiral notebook I have been keeping and add them to the blog when I get sudden bursts of energy. There are some very exciting things going on and I would like to share them with you even if I run the risk of you thinking I am nuts. I am confident enough in my God and myself to not care what your opinion is, but if you have something positive to add feel free to comment.

Pain Management

Did not sleep last night as the pain is too much. Went to the hospital and they wanted to give me morphine but I don't want. I have been Asking God to manage my pain as Jesus went to the cross for this sort of thing and I do not like to take medication. Thus far I get along fine, but this week has been difficult. I told the Dr. I will actually start taking Ibuprofen on a daily basis which is a big deal for me, and I refuse to lay away in bed all doped up with the morphine option. Nothing special on the chest x-ray, so that is good news. Bumped into Ms Parp (July 27 post) and she said that she was taken off chemo as her disease is "stable", this is great news! I expect when I see her next she will have more good news!

Healing light of Jesus

Took ibuprofen the past 2 nights & slept a little better. Prayed for God to expose any events that may have wounded my soul in response to viewing a Katie Souza video series: http://www.xpmedia.com/dbbbEa5F1FfZ I have recurring dreams of my ex boyfriend since our nasty breakup 13ish years ago, so guess what I dreamt about? Bingo! I will need to rectify the situation... In the meantime I pray for the healing light of Jesus to shine on my heart and soul.

Church

Had a wonderful day at church. I really felt so much love for all the people there and I thank God for putting such a genuinely nice group of people there. They preached on suffering(!) and I went up for prayer (as usual these days). An old girl prayed for me and I looked up at the end of her prayer and I saw the intense love of Jesus in her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her and sobbed away for awhile. It is no coincidence that I found out she is a breast cancer survivor.

Hurricane is coming!

In my dream I felt: A Hurricane is coming!

Waking

Waking every hour during night. Pain is there but I have an impression that it is supposed to be there to wake me up, so I pray and wait on The Lord. Unusually hungry these nights.

Sleep

Not slept well in a few days, keep waking after 1-2 hours sleep. Prayed about this and got a response 1 hour later: I do not need to sleep so much. The pain that is keeping me awake is part of my training of sorts & I should get used to not sleeping so much.

Cocoon

Casual dream of a green caterpillar going into a cocoon. It went in and was going to seal off the last part like a door flap at the head. I was going to film the transition to show The Little One. My (heavily smoking) friend D was there and wanted to smoke the empty casing when it was finished.

Flaming Sword

Went for prayer after church service and was prayed for by the young preacher who fought off lymphoma and a lady. Lady sees a flaming sword of protection that is fighting for me. Just need to trust God and He will do the rest. I made a decision not to listen to the negative report and to change my doctor.

Permission

Episode of negative thinking where God reminded me that the devil has NO authority in my life as I am covered by The Blood. The enemy cannot touch me without God's or my own permission. This is liberating and yet so simple! God sees me as a finished product! Bad news from the Dr cannot change my status. I am taken care of by God in every way and the enemy cannot do anything to change this. God chose to heal me. The bone tumor was healed instantly & the lymph will come into line as well. God has a purpose in all of this.

Scan

I was waiting for my CT scan at the hospital and I had the opportunity to speak life to a woman there who was ready to give up. She told me she was so tired of fighting and did not know how long she could keep it up, then began to sob as she received the words of life that were given to her. I spoke love and life and light over her and she was blessed. God loves her and can heal her bone cancer too. There are so many desperate people there at this cancer hospital and I consider it an honor to be able to serve The Lord and give some hope and love to these folks.

Wings of Eagles

Getting my experimental parp inhibitor treatment and feeling pretty cruddy from the chemo I got only 3 days prior. After praying for relief from feeling like dog meat and not getting the desired results, I began to thank God for giving me wings as an eagle to rise above these situations (Isaiah 40:31). I happened to look out the window as I prayed this aloud and I saw an eagle soaring really high from my 9th floor window in downtown Brussels. (BTW-I have never seen or heard of eagles in Brussels). He was turning in a counterclockwise fashion and flying gracefully for a good 3 minutes. The windowpane obscured my view and I moved in the bed to continue to watch him and he was gone. As in disappeared.